Is There A Thin Line Between Admiration And Love For Your Boss?

“I think overpowered in the sense that he was the president.  He was this unbelievably handsome man, 45 years old, overpowered in the fact that he had chosen me…and taken me on this tour.  That’s what I mean by being overpowered by the whole situation. Not overpowered physically that someone had grabbed me and done this to me and made me do something that I wasn’t really willing to do, because I really think I was willing to do it.”-Mimi Alford, Once Upon a Secret: My Affair with President John F. Kennedy and Its Aftermath

Last week the world was let in on a secret that Mimi Alford had kept to herself for years. She had had an affair with her boss when she was intern. Now her boss happened to be President John F. Kennedy and the year was 1962. He was married and the relationship was completely imbalanced. He was also one of the most powerful and famous men in the world but the fundamental basics came down to he was her boss. Though she know admits she knew she should have felt guilty and she could somewhat see this was an unhealthy relationship she kept participating in it because she was swayed by the power and the admiration. Many of us admire our bosses too, even if they aren’t President of the U.S. We are in awe of their accomplishments, their leadership skills and their success. They are in a position of power to us. But how often does that admiration turn into love for your boss? And is it even really love?

Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Marriage & Family Psychotherapist and Author, told The Grindstone:

“It is not unusual to find yourself having positive feelings about a boss, particularly a boss who you so admire, who is intelligent and has a superb mind … you may feel yourself becoming attracted to this person, but it is important to realize that it doesn’t usually mean that you are “falling in love” in a complete way … it is mostly about falling in love with the power or brains of a boss – when a boss acts as a true mentor or you are fortunate to be in an organization who assigns you a mentor … the kinds of attention that this brings can easily feel special and you can become infatuated with your mentor, but again it doesn’t usually mean that you are “falling in love” – a boss may feel like your Mom or your Dad in ways that bring you comfort, increased self-esteem, and practical, helpful feedback and good conversations … it can be easy to confuse your appreciation and warm feelings and believe you are “falling in love.”"

Dr. John Duffy, Clinical Psychologist, Consultant and Author, told The Grindstone:

“I think the factor that most allows for people falling in love with bosses and co-workers (despite many corporation policies) is exposure. We see the people we work with more than anyone else. In many corporate cultures, people work together for many hours a day, often well into the evening. They get to know one another quite intimately, and sometimes become attracted to one another and fall in love. I do think that some workers become enamored with the power their bosses carry, which can make the attraction even greater.”

The attraction to power seems to be the biggest turn on. Look at Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton. Even tough talker Chelsea Handler had a relationship with her boss, Comcast president and CEO Ted Harbert. Did she do it to help her career or maybe she was turned on by the fact that this guy had the most amount of control at the company she worked for?