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Every company has one. He tries so hard to feel like part of the cool crowd, yet he still seems like the high school kid who got pantsed in gym class and ignored in every other class. Most people feel pretty sorry for “The Odd Man Out”. But no one is ever quite sorry enough to take this co-worker under their wing.
Most people assume that “The Odd Man Out” works in the IT department, but they can be found anywhere. Well, except for upper management. Even if an upper-echelon supervisor is an oddball, no one would ostracize them simply due to job security. But things have gotten easier for the tech workers. In fact, since computers have become the most important part of many businesses, IT departments everywhere have been getting some much-deserved social clout.
“The Odd Man Out” is really a creature of pity. It’s not easy to even get annoyed with someone who seems so left behind. We all remember that insecure, teenage feeling of not fitting in with our classmates. And we know that this person is still experiencing those growing pangs well into adulthood. The problem is that “The Odd Man Out” tries so hard. They push way past the point of obnoxiousness. Their extreme social deficiencies can make them actually painful to spend time with.
I realize that I sound like a serious mean girl here. I’m not trying to put this person down simply for the fun of it. Honestly, working with someone without any social experience who desperately wants acceptance presents its own set of challenges. And this column is all about dealing with co-workers. So even if we feel guilty for admitting that this species lives on past senior year, here’s how to work with “The Odd Man Out”.
- A little kindness goes a long way. Even if you’re not exactly the “bleeding heart” type, you need to still be nice. This co-worker is used to feeling picked on or put down, so even the smallest kindness will mean a lot to them. It’s not that difficult to be nice, so make the effort.
- Keep it professional. “The Odd Man Out” is looking for friends. If you’re not willing to actually put in some time outside the office, try to keep things professional. First of all, they might not be able to easily read social cues if you decide that things have gotten to close. And secondly, don’t be that person who leads them on, even if its nothing more than a friendship. They deserve better.
- Hold that pity in check. Its easy to think that “The Odd Man Out” really wants to be your BFF and seriously looks up to you, but they’re just too socially inept to admit it. But its also possible that they’re just a little withdrawn. Or they could think that you’re a tool. So try not to feel bad for them until you understand the situation a little better.
How do you manage an employee who seems to be constantly left alone, no matter how hard they try to fit in?
- Watch for abuse. All it takes is one over-achieving jerk to realize that ‘The Odd Man Out” will work their butt off to be part of the team. Keep an eye out to make sure that no one is taking advantage of their over-eager co-worker.
- Make them in charge of something. No matter what it is, let them have some power! This is an employee who has felt left out their entire life. Give them something to take pride in. As their self-confidence grows, they’ll be able to interact with their co-workers on more even playing field.
- Don’t coddle them. Its human nature to try to protect someone who seems vulnerable, but this employee needs to learn to operate in their environment. You still must expect them to do their job and do it well, or else you’ll give the rest of your team one more reason to look down on them.
The workplace can seem a lot like high school sometimes. But hopefully we’ve all moved past the cliques and social strata. But, as one of my favorite Mean Girls ever said, “The wounds of adolescence can take years to heal.” Give “The Odd Man Out” a chance and you might find an awesome person just waiting to burst out of their awkward-teen bubble. But remember, even if they stay an over-eager puppy forever, they are your co-worker and that position deserves some respect.
