Bullish: Personal Finance Made More Enticing with Shirtless Men and Unicorns

Jennifer Dziura writes career advice for The Grindstone on Fridays and life coaching advice for our sister site, TheGloss, on Tuesdays.

 I have a stack of yellow, thin-ruled legal pads full of Bullish column ideas, some of which regard Important Responsible Adult Things To Do. (See Bullish: Pre-Internet Productivity Tips for the Young and Sprightly.)

However, many of these topics are so goddamn boring that it would be hard to get anyone on the Internet to finish reading, because the Internet, I am told, is all about pageviews and cats.

Did you know that Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, once suggested that the U.S. complement the Statue of Liberty by building a Statue of Responsibility? I mean, yes, responsibility is important, but … kind of a buzzkill, there.

You know I like men (for my thirtieth birthday, I held a male beauty pageant in a bar and invited lady-bloggers to judge – although one should also see Bullish: Picking a Boyfriend Who Doesn’t Hold Back Your Career or Bank Account). And I kind of considered retiring from writing after Bullish: How to Be a Productivity Unicorn.

So, all these ideas have now come together on this fine Friday, and I hope you enjoy this post on three Responsible Adult Things you should take care of, made more enticing with male models and unicorns.

 Your Taxes: Deduct the Hell Out of Everything

 The above is not actually my accountant, Max Kleynburd of Max Kleynburd and Co. Accountants and Advisors, although Max is a pretty handsome guy, but with a less intimidating trapezius.

More importantly, though, Max and I have the following discussion every year:

Me: I am so organized! Look at my spreadsheets! I cataloged all my expenses already! Aren’t I the best client ever?

Max: Okay, that’s pretty organized. But … did you entertain anyone for business?

Me: Well, yes. But I didn’t include it because … um … I don’t know, all the people I have drinks with are, like, fashionable 27 year old women and that’s not what business looks like in the movies. I never have drinks with gray-haired men in suits.

And then later:

Max: Do you use a home office?

Me: Not really.

Max: Where do you work?

Me: At home.

Max: Do you always sit in the same place?

Me: Well, yes.

Max: How often do you work there?
Me: Um, seven days a week.

Max: How much did the desk cost?

Me: Really?

Max: Yes.

Okay, the above (legal disclaimer!) are not really quotes from Max, but here’s what Max said when I asked him for the biggest mistake many young people make regarding their taxes:

How about this – many people overlook an astonishing number of deductions by making the mistake of trying to fit themselves into a “box”.

Most of the expense guidelines haven’t been updated in decades.  And while the IRS has issued exhaustive guides for deductions that could be taken by say a bricklayer or a mailman, what’s today’s fashion blogger or a media strategist to do?  The answer lies in one simple truth — any expense that can be demonstrated to be both “necessary and material” in order to produce an individual’s living would be bullet-proof in the event of a challenge from the IRS.  The moral of the story is to never overlook any deductions simply because they aren’t part of the widely-used trifecta of “travel, supplies and meals”.

Max also convinced me to deduct the cost of a bookcase that contains literally nothing but test-prep books (people always walk into my place and respond in horror/wonder to the SAT/ACT/AP/SSAT/ISEE/TACHS/GMAT/GRE/LSAT shelf, and then I serve them drinks to distract them from their traumatic childhood testing memories).